Chapter 7: New Occupation Aspiration

I want to be a "professional namer".

I want brands to pay me bags of money to come up with creative and unique names for their new products, sub-brands and the like. I won't lie, I'm not surprised a job like this exists in today's marketplace. Brand names carry lots of weight, and they are able to show off a brand's personality and potentially evoke stimulation from just a one or two words alone. When somebody says Starbucks, the one and only thought in my head is "coffee" (which is actually no different than normal). When somebody says Häagen-Dazs (the founders chose to use a made-up word because it was "Danish sounding"), I think of one of the world's greatest treasures: ice cream.

Many brand names become synonymous, even inseparable, from the products they sell, sometimes becoming such a success that their own brand name is used as a blanket word for that specific product. For example:


"I'm gonna Uber to your place, I'll be there in 20." (After much success, their brand name is now a verb used to refer to any sort of ride-sharing. I always use Lyft, but I still tell my friends that I'm "calling an Uber")







"Could you pass me a Kleenex?" (Even in a room devoid of Kleenex brand tissues, somebody will still know what you mean)







Imagine being the person who came up with these massive brand names. I think of a person sitting in an all-white office at a massive marble desk, the only furniture in the room, with crumpled pieces of paper surrounding them, feverishly scribbling the name of what may become the next big brand.

In all seriousness, coming up with an entirely original brand name must be hard work. Trying to cut through the clutter, let alone come up with something original in this sea of (strange) company names is a monumental task. Brand names need to draw customer attention and convey meaning and help a brand's personality shine through. Whether they're onomatopoeic, like "Twitter", or a word mash-up, like "YouTube", these brands are given power and personality through their names alone.

Etsy, Skype, Hulu, Pinterest. What do these all mean? Why are these seemingly nonsensical combinations of letters so powerful? Maybe I'll switch career paths and find out for myself.

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